Wedding Gazette

Quaker Ceremonies

By Jennifer Baumann

The traditional Quaker wedding takes place with no officiant, and mostly in silence. Here's the outline of this simple, free marriage with many beautiful rituals. The great thing about Quaker weddings: many of the elements can be added to an interfaith or non-denominational wedding for a unique, spiritual touch.

The Processional

According to custom, there is no wedding party and no procession. The bride and groom, dressed simply, enter the meeting house with the rest of the congregation, seat themselves, and wait for the right moment during the silent meeting to rise and give their vows. Today, however, many Quaker couples are opting for a processional, including white dress and flower girls and bridesmaids in Protestant tradition.

The Silent Meeting - Vows/Exchange of Rings

Typical Quaker worship services are conducted without a minister or any vocal leader. Instead, the congregation gathers to worship in complete silence. During worship service, only if you are moved by the Spirit to do so, you may add to the service by standing and offering inspired observations, prayers, or songs.

A wedding ceremony, which is conducted the same as a Meeting for Worship, is no different. When they feel the time is right in the silent service, the bride and groom rise and give their vows to one another. They take each other's hands, and can either say their own words or borrow from these traditional Quaker vows:

"In the presence of God and these our family and friends, I take thee (bride/groom name) to be my wife/husband, promising with divine assistance to be unto thee a loving and faithful wife/husband, so long as we both shall live."

Traditionally, Quakers did not exchange rings, but today many couples participate in this custom.

The Marriage Certificate

Considered the most beautiful part of the Quaker ceremony is the Marriage Certificate, usually written out on a large piece of parchment by a calligrapher. The certificate states the declarations of the couple, including their vows, and asks for the guests to sign as witnesses to their commitment. Quakers will then frame the beautiful reminder of their wedding day and hang the certificate in their home - a symbol of their friends support and joy for them on their wedding day. The couple signs the certificate after their vows, then the piece is placed on a table during the reception for guests to sign.

Benediction/Exit

After the couple has married themselves and signed the certificate, the silent meeting resumes. Often, guests rise to speak to the couple or give wisdom or observations about the nature of marriage. After the hour-long silence is over, the meeting adjourns, the couple is married, and guests retire to the reception.