Vow Renewal Etiquette

A couple may partake of a vow renewal ceremony any time after their wedding; however, some common sense should be followed. After all, this ceremony is supposed to be somewhat of an anniversary present, a recommitment to each other, from the couple to themselves or a blessing of a marriage by the church. Here are some rules and tips from Donna Ennis, editor of an online vow renewal guide, aptly named I Do Take Two.

A Vow Renewal Is Not a Second Wedding

A second wedding is what one has after a divorce. So, the vow renewal should not mirror a wedding for it is most often viewed negatively. Yet, the married couple may include elements of a wedding and have more freedom to change traditional wedding elements.

For example, this is not a legal ceremony, so anyone may officiate the event. Plus, although it seems silly for a father to escort a wife to her husband, a nice alternative is for the couple to walk toward each other from the sides of the room, meeting each other in front of the facilitator. And, just because a bachelorette party is inappropriate for a wife, doesn't mean that she couldn't get together with her friends for an evening of fun, such as watching old movies and imbibing in their beverage of choice.

Even married women may do this. Just use common sense and ask yourself what would be appropriate for a married couple and you will create an appropriate, memorable event.

For the Ceremony

Please Don't

Bachelor or bachelorette party. A last night of freedom as a single person isn't acceptable; you are married.
No showers. Originally, this was meant to shower the young bride with items she may need to begin her married life. As a wife, this isn't appropriate.
Attendants are not part of a vow renewal unless you are recreating your wedding. Although, children and grandchildren often walk with the wife and stand with the couple.

Please Do

Plan well because this is an event the couple typically hosts; parents are not usually financially involved.
Create new elements that suit a married couple.
Involve your children and other family members.
Write custom vows and/or exchange new rings.
Include a special bouquet.
Wear any color you wish, including a white dress.

What About the Dress?

A wife is not a bride, so a wedding dress wouldn't seem appropriate would it? However, she may wear her wedding gown for those milestone anniversaries. Still, when the wife wears a formal wedding gown, it is most often viewed negatively because most view the vow renewal as a small private affair. This is not to say that a theme event with a special gown is out of the question. Just use good judgment.

Speaking of Gifts...

A vow renewal is not considered a gift giving situation, except for milestone anniversaries. So to register or mention gifts conveys that this is all about gifts and not about your reaffirmation of love. If your vow renewal is for a bench mark anniversary, many may want to give a gift. So, it is now viewed appropriate to write, "No gifts" on the vow renewal invitation, which is not acceptable for wedding invitations.

Let's Party

One of the most asked questions is whether or not a married couple may have a reception following their vow renewal. The answer is, yes! This party can be very close to a wedding reception in appearance. Although, remember you are a married couple.

Wedding Gazette